Coma support
Our tribute to the families and friends of trauma victims
in their tireless pursuit to help others cope with the
understanding of coma complexities.
| March 1996 my son Lee was in a car accident not a mile from my home.
I remember that night as if it was yesterday. I had gone to bed earlier that
day with an upset stomach, Lee had his own flat just down the road from me.
He had just finished a relationship with his girlfriend and was just getting
over it.Lee came in my bedroom that night at seven thirty he was going to
play pool. He left his car in my drive,as Lee was walking out of my bedroom
that night I had a strange feeling about him but I brushed it off and got
stuck in to a book I eas reading, at eleven o clock I heard sirens and thought
they were pretty close. My stomach turned over. I tried hard to concentrate
on my book but couldnt.I heard a loud banging on my front door... the kind
of banging that tells you something is wrong. I rushed downstairs and as
I opened the door a young girl I knew well fell in, she was covered in blood.
She told me, half screaming that Lee had been in an accident around the corner
from my home. I remember phoning my daughter Andrea and my ex husband. By
the time I got out to the car park, bAndrea was pulling in. We got in Lee's
dads car, when we reached the scene of the accident I could see a car upside
down against a wall. There was a boy on the floor, on a closer look, I could
see it was not Lee. Lee was in the ambulance he had already been cut out
of the car. We were told to follow the ambulance to the hospital. We raced
to our car, we lost sight of the ambulance but on arriving at the hospital
a nurse was waiting for us. We were taken in to a little room, after a few
seconds a doctor came in. He was straight to the point, he said Lee was critical,
they could operate but he doubted Lee would live six hours. We agreed on
the operation to take place; they were flying a doctor from Cardiff, Dr Tim
Buxton, who would perform the operation. A lovely nursing sister introduced
herself and took us upstairs to a different room near the theatre. We were
given a telephone with an outside line to notify other family members. I
remember looking at Andrea and thinking "nothing in our life will ever be
the same again".
Lee was in the theatre five hours. We were taken down to intensive care to a little side room as the sister explained Lee would be passing up the corridor and they did not want us to see him until he was cleaned up. Soon the sister from intensive care came to introduce herself . She took us to a little office to meet Dr Tim Buxton; he told us "Lee was unconscious on arrival having a glasgow coma scale of 4.There was a depressed left parietal fracture and there were fractures of the left zygoma,'left maxilla', left petrous temporal bone and left clavicle". An initial ct scan showed a right fronto-parietal sub-dural hematoma with oedema and mid line shift and he didn't think Lee would last twenty four hours. Dr Buxton may be a brilliant surgeon but his bed side manner needed improvement. I wanted to say "I needed a bloody degree to understand that lot". We were taken in to I C U to see Lee, nothing could have prepared me for what I saw. Lees head was shaved and twice its normal size, there were tubes and wires everywhere. I knew only the life support machine was keeping Lee alive. I touched his hand and it was so cold, I leaned over and whispered to Lee, "son I am here, you wont ever be on your own". I went out to the little garden with Andrea and we held each other and sobbed'. Lee remained on the life support for three weeks. When he was taken off, Lee was breathing on his own. He was then weaned off the paralizing drug. I waited for two days for Lee to wake but he never did. I was told Lee was in a coma. I went back out the garden to cry. I kept repeating "no this is not fair'. Lee remained in intensive care for three months. I asked that Lee be sent to a head injury unit in Bath Bristol. After a five month stay I was told Lee was In a vegitave state. Lee came home to Clydach War Memorial Hospital. After some months there, I asked for Lee to go to Putney in London where he stayed for four months, still the same. I was told Lee was still vegitave. Lee came back to Morriston Hospital. I was told the next move they intended, Lee was going to be placed in a nursing home. I knew in my heart that was not going to happen I would have Lee home with a twenty four hour care team I found. I had to fight, to have my own son home, but I won and over two years after the accident, Lee returned home May 1998.
I have had Lee home for just over a year and I have had my property adapted
to suit Lee's needs. It has been a lot of hard work, but very rewarding.
Lee loved music so we have plenty of music around the house. I have six
caregivers, who are doing a very good job with Lee. I have a physio Erwin
Van Hooy Doonk, Erwin is dutch, he has worked wonders with Lee. They gave
up on Lee in the hospital with physio. If you cant do a back flip you have
had it. Erwin understands Lee, he can read Lee. I have a case manageress
Gwyneth Steddy who has recently told me that before she worked for me I was
called "The difficult Mrs. Bennett", we laughed over this one, yes I cam
difficult, what Mum wouldn't be? If you fight for your loved one, you are
difficult? Then so be it. Lee went back in to hospital this year to be assesed,
I have recently had the report. I found lee came out of the coma after two
years; I thought then why has he not spoken or done something? Then I knew
that Lee has locked in syndrom, I knew by Lees eyes that he was aware. I
find now that the hurt and pain is worse. When Lee knew nothing was it better
for him? To be trapped in his body must be terrible, every Mums nightmare.
Lee has been in a few tv documetries radio programes. I will be reaching
the four year mark next March. At the start I was told by a councilor there
were four stages for us to go through'the first stage denial, the second
anger and frustration, the third depression and the fourth acceptance. Well
I got through the first three but there is no way on this earth I will be
getting through the fourth. Accept this? If I did, I would be giving up and
I am never going to give up on Lee. They expect us to accept, so we can move
on with our lives. How can I move on while Lee needs me. I am very active
helping other families with getting their loved ones home. The past year
I have met many friends on the net who have been very supportive. I would
like to thank them all: Celtic Annie, metalibull roy, thisboy gary, beatlesaha,
Roger... they are wonderfull. We play on rock-n-roll trivia, ohhhhh.. and
rockers, I know who "funzaloud" is! I have written a book called "THIS BIG
HUSH" and should be in the shops March. I want to thank Andrea who has suffered
so much but has never given up. Lee must be very proud of you Andrea and
I love you. Jayne director week in week out, thanks for your kindnes. R E
M, for allowing us to use (everybody hurts) for the tv documentr, UB40, for
the wonderful tape they did for Lee. Vicky, Lees nursing sister who became
my friend. Dr Wanni for giving me back my son, Ruth Lloyd who was always
understanding and very straight to the point, and for all the sloppy kisses
she gave Lee. Ystrad school for there lovely letters toLee, Erwin for treating
Lee as an human being, Lees care team, you have all done an excellent job
under difficult circumstances. The "difficult Mrs Bennett", we love you all.
My message to any one going down this just remember doctors are not always
right, trust your own judgement. I hope your loved ones wake up with no brain
injury to complicate their lives. Me, I am going on, and we are going to
make it. There aint no mountain too high for me to climb and when I reach
the top I will stake a flag for Lee and all other coma patients. Sylvie.
UPDATE. |
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